(first..just to let my people know i deleted all art that had to do with James or me and James whatever...its all gone!!)

So...heres how it goes. I met this guy, he SEEMS perfect. But i hate to fall for him cuz what if hes not what he seems. I feel like im loosing all my friends..well i never considered many people "friends" just like buddies er something. But i still feel like im loosing them. Im falling into a bad habbit. I dont want to be in this habbit but hey..im a teenager i think im sposed too. *sighs* i have led myself to believe that every guy is going to be like James..good and bad ways. But i dont wanna think that EVERY guy i meet is gunna be like him. I know for a fact Kyle isnt. But the others i dunno. They arent all the typical guys id go for. Kyle is more of the rocker guy that has a sweet side and cares for me no matter what and all. Malcolm..wow nothing really describes him. Hes just funny and can make me laugh..thats what i need. I barely know the skate park boy. And Brian..hmmm hes going into the marines next year so i really cant strike up a relationship with him if hes going to leave. He will be 18 and i will be 17 and i cant trust myself to wait for him. Although out of all 4 of the guys..Kyle and Brian seem to have what i want, they both compliment me like everyday and listen to my problems and lift my spirits. I have also led myself to believe that i will not ever succeed in a relationship. Just think about it..with james i was like stupid. i did what he said i thought that it was "healthy". I never listened to what people had to say about us. But now that i think back on it.. all those people were right. expecially my mom and page. i wouldnt say page was like the "father figure" when it came to telling me things. i just think that he knew i could succeed in a better relationship and be with someone who actually cares about me ya know? Hmmm...i think with a relationship..i need to be friends with the guy first. because i then can get to know them and have them in mind. After i broke up with james i thought that i should rush into another relationship. thats why the "relationship" i had with john went downhill. But then i dunno. I started to talk to malcolm again like a few months ago..with me and him its like we talk for a month er so..then loose contact then start back. everyone and their mom seems to think that i should go out with malcolm..but i dont really think a relationship would work out..hes a college boy and im still a Junior. Kyle..ive known for about 3 er four years now. we had a HUGE fallout a year and a half ago. I thought he lied to me then i stopped talking to him for a bout 4 months. Then i lied to him last year about james and we stopped talking for like 3 weeks. He has a gf and i love her to pieces. and he said that if him and her break up he would go back out with me. But i feel like a rebound in that situation. But i dont care only because i KNOW him and i KNOW what hes about and that is one long distance relationship im willing to have. *sigh* this is the longest entry ive writting in a while. I have more to say but im saving it for a later date. OH also i tend to think about James too much. Like..a tiny TINY bit of jelousy is still in me but i think its becuase i exoected us to be okay when he came back. He hates me...not that i care because i feel a sence of hatred back. I have reasons. And everyone i know at BASE says they hate him too. I dont think he cares though. But...whatever. P.S. there are exactally 2 people at BASE that i think are cute and would date. one is kinda out of bounds for any girl and the other is younger than me..only 1 person knows who they both are! *muah*